My Bittersweet Lesson
My Bittersweet Lesson, Accepting What I Can not Change
I always thought I was doing all the right things for my health, including treating my body well. Sometimes there are things in life that we can’t change, and maybe out of our control. Accepting those changes make it less stressful. Despite making major changes to my physical, mental and emotional self, I ultimately did my body some harm. For many years of my childhood I struggled with body image and weight issues, and to some degree I continue to struggle today.
As a teen I was embarrassed and self conscious of my weight. As I began losing weight I became more confident. I slowly started exercising and changing my eating habits, until I was continuously losing weight- and it was working. I started running, slowly increasing my mileage up to 5 miles a day, for many years. This came with a cost. Fast forward 20 years to where I became a little obsessive with running and working out, along with my diet, in the fear of regaining the weight. The continuous running started taking a toll on my body experiencing broken bones, surgery, and arthritis. I have decreased my mileage over the years however issues still persist. Now I am faced with hip issues including a torn labrum, impingement and excessive arthritis.
With arthroscopic surgery scheduled for next month, and hip replacement in the future, I’m faced with many challenges. Reluctantly, I had to stop running and modify my workouts to manage my pain. I’ve transitioned to walking, Pilates, stretching and riding the stationary bike. Besides the fear of physical changes, it’s also emotionally challenging for me. Running was my passion, I felt that I almost “needed’ it in a sense. Of course I can adjust and concentrate on different activities, however running helped me tremendously with my weight loss journey and beyond. Giving up something you love is not easy.
I say this is bittersweet and want to share in hopes of bringing my story to the attention of others. We need to listen to our bodies and be kinder to them. I guess this is what I needed. It’s going to take time, acceptance, and some motivation moving forward. I’m positive about incorporating new activities and healing my body.